What about divorce among Christians?
Discussion question for June 3, 2011.
Are there situations or conditions under which Christian couples are permitted to divorce? What impact does divorce have on righteousness? What impact does divorce play on a Christian regarding remarriage? How would you encourage a fellow believer that is considering divorce?
Here’s my summary of our discussion.
Jesus clearly proclaimed that the law of Moses allowed (permitted) divorce, but that the reason it does is because of the hardness of hearts. The law made provision to protect the weaker party from being controlled and abused by the stronger party. It was not because God willed it, or even approves of it. It was because of man’s sinful nature. Divorce tears apart a “one-flesh” union.
Divorce is like any other sin. It separates us from God and others. It disrupts our ability to hear from God or worship Him. It opens us up to temptations and demonic influence. It disqualifies us from eternal relationship with God – unless it is confessed and forgiven.
The good news is that God forgives divorce just like He forgives other sin. It takes an act of grace on His part and an act of faith on ours. There is not penalty that can be paid to reconcile it, nor actions or intentions taken to pay it back. Only forgiveness. Righteousness comes from faith through reconciliation by that forgiveness.
There are some purposes for marriage. First, it is a tangible expression of the nature of God. The Trinity can be understood in small part by the miracle of two becoming one flesh. Second, it is an example of covenantal relationship. God’s promise to us is understood in small part by the strength of commitment we have in our marriage vows. Third, it is a tangible demonstration of a bride and groom. Jesus is the groom and the church is His bride. We can only understand what this means by living in a small way as both a bride and groom.
Divorce is a result of “hardness of heart.” When a selfish person is joined in matrimony to another selfish person, they are not able to demonstrate true love. Selfish people can live parallel lives to one another (at best), but this is not the picture of Christ and the church. Self-centered people must learn to humble themselves and not think more highly of themselves than they ought to think.
One of the reasons for hardness of heart is unmet expectations. If a husband has expectations for his wife that she is not living up to, then he will be disappointed in the relationship. The same is true for wives and their expectations. In marriage all expectations should be arrived at mutually, otherwise the individuals will pull against each other.
There are some Biblical examples of divorce that come out of these situations (hardness of heart and lack of mutuality). When a spouse is committing adultery (porneo), or if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believer, divorce may be the appropriate answer. These are not to be taken as “exit strategies”, however. God intends to reconcile Himself to the world, and has given us a ministry of reconciliation. He redeems what He forgives, and these situations should lead the husband and wife to prayerfully be reconciled with God and each other.
When a sin is forgiven, then God has removed the offense of the event and re-established relationship with the forgiven person. The Holy Spirit will lead regarding remarriage, and the believer should follow His leading. If the person’s conviction is that he should not remarry then he should be content living with that conviction.
When we come alongside another person that is having trouble in their marriage the most important thing we can do is give them some hope that God can redeem the whole mess. Christians and non-Christians need to know that the supernatural power of God can make the most disgusting situation turn into a miracle. He redeems what He forgives.
Sometimes a conviction comes over a person that their motive in getting married was sinful. They may say to their spouse: “I never loved you.” They might believe: “I got married for all the wrong reasons (sex, loneliness, romance, compulsion, finances, etc).” They may conclude that since it started in sin, it is sinful through and through. While this is technically correct, it is not a reason to abandon what God can bless. Ask for forgiveness and let Him redeem it.
We are called to live in harmony with one another. Our marriages are a reflection of the character of God: be fruitful and multiply. We are an example to others of God’s self-sacrificial love, permanent promise, spiritual union, and redemption. Share hope with the hopeless that God can make this true in their lives as well.