How should we address soul ties?
Discussion question for December 18, 2009.
A “soul tie” is a bonding together of two souls such as a husband and wife in marriage. What is God’s purpose for creating us with the capacity to be bonded together with another soul? How can we maximize this in our “one-flesh” relationship? What can we do to overcome soul ties that are harmful? What about relationships from our past?
Here’s my summary of our discussion.
You know you have an unhealthy soul tie when you rely on a person to give you something, but it takes you away from becoming godly. If your self-worth is based on their opinion, or your purpose is defined by their needs, these are examples of unhealthy soul ties. They knit you together with another in mind, will and emotion – three components of your personhood (or soul). In that way it influences your identity so that you are looking less and less like the image of God.
Healthy soul ties are a gift of God. The primary example is a husband and wife in a great relationship, where they form an identity as a union. Like the trinity, this identity does not entirely replace the individuals, but expands on them. Another example of a healthy soul tie is the relationship between David and Jonathan in the Bible. These two spurred each other on to godliness without becoming co-dependents.
The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, and we know of unhealthy soul ties in our life by careful introspection. Questions to ponder are: Where do I find my identity? Who influences my life poorly? When am I using a relationship to shore up a weakness in myself? How am I distracted from God by others?
An unhealthy soul tie works like a vow. Biblically, a person marries another by making a vow and then they consummate it on their wedding night. A soul tie can be formed by consummating a vow with another outside of the marriage contract. It is binding because of a choice made by each party.
Breaking an unhealthy soul tie requires an act of will. A choice is made to separate from the relationship (past or present) and to take back anything that was given to the other person. The choice also includes giving back everything that was taken so that the slate is clean. There may be an act of repentance that the Holy Spirit requests to confirm the choice.
A broken soul tie does not have the power to influence the freed person in their identity, actions, thoughts or feelings. Memories can still be recalled, but they won’t have the same effect of improperly filling a void or covering a woundedness.