How can I be the spiritual leader of my extended family?
Discussion question for July 27, 2012.
We are called to be the spiritual leader of our family. What about gaps in spiritual leadership within our extended family? How should we proceed when we are invited to take that role? What happens if there is a leadership void that we are not specifically invited to fill? What practical things can be done to provide spiritual leadership over wide distances?
Here’s my summary of our discussion.
Each of us have seen in our siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews examples of pain from living outside of God’s will. This demonstrates a lack of spiritual leadership. Our heart can be moved by the Holy Spirit toward meeting that need. But the practicality of maintaining relationship with extended family can be stretched by miles, time and cultural differences.
Intercession. The first tool in our grasp is the power of prayer. As we intercede on behalf of our extended family, God increases the love in our heart for them. It also gives God permission to work in their lives and circumstances. We begin the job of spiritual leader in the spiritual realm, with prayer.
Evangelize. The goal is to help them establish a personal relationship with God. This happens when we share the Good News with them in a loving way. Except for their heart being turned toward God, all the changes in their circumstances and consequences are meaningless. Don’t automatically send them to a church or professional for salvation, but share the truth with them through your relationship.
Relationship. You can’t provide spiritual leadership without having relationship. This requires contact and communication, demonstrations of affection, and personal sacrifice. True relationship is established for the long haul and stands the test of time.
Humility. Spiritual leaders operate out of love and concern, not out of pride and control. Allow God to do the work, since only He can, and allow Him to use you as a tool. Honestly deal with the woundedness of others and lead them to Christ for healing. Don’t judge.
Love. Don’t confuse compassion or sympathy with love. This is easy to do when the prompting of the Spirit comes at a time when your extended family is in severe pain, such as grieving the loss of a loved one. Take an accurate measure of the project before declaring your commitment. Operate in love (caring for the individual) not just in mercy (caring for the consequences or pain).
Psalm 78:5-8 gives marching orders for spiritual leadership, and includes the promise that God will provide for the children’s children. You can be part of that provision.
Get practical. Remind yourself to pray. We use a “prayer fridge” to hold pictures of many people; it is a daily reminder to pray. Remind yourself to love. Put significant dates on your calendar to express love to your extended family (birthdays, anniversaries, etc); think about them and demonstrate it. Be intentional about relationship building. Include in your yearly goals such things as family visits or reunions; share time and activities with them so relationships can be maintained and matured.