How can a person learn to trust?
Discussion question for September 2, 2011. No Meeting on August 26
What does it take to trust someone? How can you learn to trust if that has not been part of your frame of reference? What happens when you believe someone has been untrustworthy? How can you rebuild trust, and when should you?
Trust happens because of confidence in the person, specifically in their character. They are trustworthy when their character matches or resembles the character of God. We read in the Psalms many places where it instructs us to trust the LORD, or describes how the author trusts the LORD. Whenever the trust is substantiated it hearkens back to God’s character. For example: “Trust the LORD, for He is good.” Other godly character traits are just, powerful, loving, merciful, kind, steadfast, etc.
When we don’t have enough information about the person, we may trust them on the basis of relationship. For instance, a service provider may be recommended by someone we trust and we transfer our trust to them based on that relationship. Part of this comes from the expectation that people maintain relationship with other people like themselves. That’s why we might assume we can trust one person’s character based on what we know about their friends.
In the western world, we also trust in the law. We expect our rights to be defended, and trust another person to treat us fairly according to the law. There are other cultures that do not begin with this assumption.
In our created state we are innocent and geared to trust everyone. We lose our innocence just like Adam and Eve did by eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. We have taken on the responsibility of determining good and evil, and judging situations and people as good or bad. We lose the ability to trust because we know we are not able to accurately judge.
A lack of trust between people often translates to a lack of trust in God. A person that loses their innocence at the hand of man is trained not to trust anyone else. They must relearn trust by coming to an understanding of the character of God.
Trust cannot be rebuilt. It must be granted. From the perspective of the person that has lost trust, no amount of behavior or convincing argument will change that. Trust can only resume when the trusting person grants it to the other person. The only time this should be done is when the person accurately reflects the character of God. Anything else is foolishness.
When a person makes a choice that demonstrates a character flaw (sins against you), it indicates that they are untrustworthy. Restoring trust happens through forgiveness. First, they must accept forgiveness from God so they can become a new creation. Second, the untrusting one must extend forgiveness so they can see that person as a new creation. Finally, trust can be granted to the person (new creation) on the basis of their character being restored to God-like character.
Our loss of innocence through sinful choices of others makes it hard to rebuild the ability to trust. Defensively, we prejudge others to ward off danger or loss. This prejudice converts a person into a standard or collection of assumptions. As soon as we judge (or prejudge) another person we are unable to intercede for them or be in right relationship with them. We must break through the prejudice and consider the person as a creation in the image of God.
The Holy Spirit gives us discernment into the person’s character. We need to learn to listen to the still small voice and let the guidance of God be our judge. It feels like our spirit testifying with their spirit; or conversely, our spirit being rejected by their spirit.
We should practice trusting in God, and being reminded about His character as that seems hard to do. Only then can we trust others because of who God is within them.